#9 Oregon Ducks

I LOVE the University of Oregon and those Ducks! They are easily the best university, the best football team, the best basketball team, the best track team, hell, the best everything university! I know there are those out there who like the other Oregon team, but like the Other One, they are all just a bunch of pussies! Beavers….right. Anyone know the connection between pussies and beavers? I know I do because I invented both pussies and beavers as well as the connection!

The Ducks beat the Beavers in so many ways. They are better at academics. They are located in a better city. Their football team kicks the Beaver team’s ass. They have a better stadium and get more money from my friends (my friends have a LOT of money!). Their colors are so much better. You would think I would like the Beaver colors because they use black and orange and those are Halloween colors. I have actually never favored those colors for Halloween–MY holiday, you know. Yellow and green seem so springlike and kind of the anti-Satan. Little does anyone know these colors are the color of the devil. I use them to mask the true power. Ever notice how everyone gets all sneezy and allergic during the spring? That would be from the YELLOW pollen from the GREEN plants. My doing. Yep. Ever notice the colors of snot running down your face when you have a particularly hideous viral strain? My doing. Yep again. I win. So while it seems like I would love the black and orange combo of the Beavers, I don’t. They suck. I know the Other One probably likes the other team, but the Other One is an idiot. We all know that. The Ducks rule. That’s all there is to it.

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One Response to “#9 Oregon Ducks”

  1. Really?! I could care less.

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