Archive for Anal

#10 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists

Posted in America, Christian, Islam, Lord, Middle East, Other One, Religion, Satan (Me!) with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2008 by stuffsatanloves

Oh for fuck’s sake, the Other One is such a self-righteous windbag. What a blathering fool! He wants to convince the world the HE was responsible for 9/11. Hate to break it to you folks, but the Other One had NOTHING to do with it. I actually masterminded the entire plot! I got my minions, Osama and Bush, to carry out my little plan. Yes, they were in on it together. You might as well know it. Fucking Other One. I suppose he’s doing a little dance that he’s gotten me to admit this.

The thing about it is that the theorists have most of their story right. I LOVE you 9/11 conspiracy theorists! You have given credit where it is due. Yes, the World Trade Center Buildings were wired with explosives. Yes, United 93 was shot down by the military. Yes, Muslim terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into the buildings. And it was all because of ME, ME, ME!!

The part my little darlings have not yet put together is that Osama and Bushie are friends with each other and do my bidding. Now my secret is out. Ah well, it was bound to happen anyway. When my little friend Johnny McCain is elected president of the United States (which I plan to ensure), he is planning to toss Bushie to the wolves as a means of deflecting attention from himself. It will be delightful! I love backstabbing nastiness and intrigue! I can barely contain my excitement thinking about it. My anus is throbbing at the thought.

The Other One knows I am responsible for 9/11. This pisses him off. So he takes credit. Whatever buddy. Get over yourself. I WIN again!

#7 Anal

Posted in Homosexuals, Lord, Other One, Religion, Satan (Me!) with tags , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2008 by stuffsatanloves

You know I’m putting this in here just to piss off the Other One. I LOVE doing that! Hey–I’ll do a post on pissing him off. It will be great. But for now…anal.

First of all, let’s get something straight. The Other One did not invent dicks. I did. He’s always taking credit for everything, but frankly, he’s full of shit. The guy has such a God Complex, it’s ridiculous. The penis was MY idea. We were sitting around trying to figure out what to do with vaginas (because we created woman first, you know). I saw this great hole of an opportunity. The Other One just saw something he wanted to plug up. Hey, I said. Why not make another human and give it an appendage to stick in the hole? It can bring great sinful pleasure AND pain, a two for one deal! The Other One said, I don’t want it to bring pleasure. I want it to cover that hole! I pointed out that by making an appendage, we would be serving both purposes. The Other One mulled it over for a moment then said he’d go for it.

So you see, dicks were my idea. Then while we were working on the physical design, I pointed out that the appendage could go in the back hole as well, the one we had designed for poop expulsion. I figured that if we also put poop holes on the ones with the appendage, they could share. The Other One frowned at me. He wasn’t so keen on the idea. But I convinced him it would all be good so we did it. One other thing? The foreskin? My idea. The Other One convinced a bunch of stupid humans to start cutting it off because he didn’t like it. He’s also the one who invented female genital mutilation because he doesn’t like the vagina hole. I wouldn’t tell him this because I don’t like to contribute to his Complex, but I’m actually impressed with the whole FGM thing. That’s the sort of activity I usually come up with. Of course, humans were involved, so that helped. I’ve managed to corrupt humanity beyond repair. But the original idea of doing away with vagina holes belongs to the Other One. That’s about the only thing he came up with.

The Other One claims he doesn’t mind homosexuals but just hates anal sex. Don’t believe him. He’s lying. The truth is that he really hates homos and anal sex. Get used to it, the Other One is a jackass. It’s as simple as that.