Archive for Fear

#5 Heartwarming

Posted in Media, Movies, Religion, Satan (Me!) with tags , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2008 by stuffsatanloves

I love heartwarming. Whenever the word heartwarming is used to describe a movie, it is because someone in the story is going to die, and this after viewers have gotten all cozy with the victim. Hapless fools, interested in homespun entertainment, family values, and true love ever after, buzz merrily into the web of heartwarming.  What is even better is that pastors and whatnot at churches that allow their parisioners to see movies will often encourage them to go and see the heartwarming movies because of their good, family values (killing off the young and helpless is a favorite family value).

To give you a taste of the love, I have created for you a list of my all time favorite heartwarming movies:

Bambi: Killing off the mother, then having a forest fire, all after watching the baby deer frolic in the forest with his wittle friends? Heartwarming.

Old Yeller: Let’s begin with a big, ol’ dog running through the fields, playing with his boy, being just a good dog. Then, not only do they kill off the dog, but they make the boy who raised him from puppyhood, and trained him and adored him shoot him in the head. Can you get more heartwarming than that?

Steel Magnolias: Awwwww. It’s so sad. She has diabetes and cries when her sugar gets low, she bonds with all the quirky ladies who help keep each other strong, and she begs Momma to let her keep her baby without any fuss. Then she dies while Momma watches. It’s so good. It’s so heartwarming. I love it.

A River Runs Through It: The best part about killing off the main character in this movie is that all the women in the audience are all in love with his hot body first. Not only do we get depressed and maudlin, we get a whole bunch of lust too. Heartwarming fun at it’s best. Two thumbs up!

Bridge to Terabithia: I love it that when they kill off the kid in this movie, no one sees it coming, least of all the friend who is acting all selfish going off to do his own thing with the girl he wants for himself. Fantastic and heartwarming!

Charlotte’s Web: Like Old Yeller, this is a standby heartwarming film. See the wittle piggy escape an early death at the hands of the big man?  See the wittle piggy frolic with his girl?  See the wittle piggy grow up and escape the butcher? See the wittle piggy learn to live without fear all because of his good friend the spider? See the spider DIE?!? Priceless heartwarming fare.

Finding Neverland: The amazing thing about this movie is how the producers sucked everyone into going to see it by telling them how it was about the person who wrote Peter Pan. Come see it! See the fairies! See the orphans find love and acceptance! See everyone frolic (there is a lot of frolicking in heartwarming movies, isn’t there?)! See the love of his life die before his eyes! Heartwarming!!