Archive for Vagina

#11 Douches

Posted in Genitals, Lord, Other One, Satan (Me!) with tags , , , , , , , on May 14, 2008 by stuffsatanloves

I love two things I want to discuss today. One is the douche. The Other One called me a douche the other day. That is such a perfect gem of an item, I wanted to concomitantly thank the Other One while simultaneously extolling the virtues of the douche. I would love to be a douche. I would get to explore the insides of vaginas. Of course, I do this already when I act as a penis, but as a douche, I would be operating under a different mechanism. I would be cleaning the vagina, bathing in the delicious mucous and bits of urine, not to mention all the other discharges that flow from that sacred place. I could also cause infections and a bit of harm while the user assumes I am bringing goodness. Wow. I get a charge just imagining it. Thank you, Other One, for calling me what I would like to be! Thank you, Douches, for being such a perfect item and for entering that dark hole the Other One so loathes.

Actually, come to think of it, I love the spot between the scrotum and the penis on a man as much as I love the vagina in a woman. Such a warm, smelly, sweaty place, inviting to fungi and lint! I get all tingly thinking about that spot I so love. It is even better when the man gets a nice jock itch going there and cannot get comfortable, or a spate of herpes to brighten up his day. Delightful. I love it!

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#7 Anal

Posted in Homosexuals, Lord, Other One, Religion, Satan (Me!) with tags , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2008 by stuffsatanloves

You know I’m putting this in here just to piss off the Other One. I LOVE doing that! Hey–I’ll do a post on pissing him off. It will be great. But for now…anal.

First of all, let’s get something straight. The Other One did not invent dicks. I did. He’s always taking credit for everything, but frankly, he’s full of shit. The guy has such a God Complex, it’s ridiculous. The penis was MY idea. We were sitting around trying to figure out what to do with vaginas (because we created woman first, you know). I saw this great hole of an opportunity. The Other One just saw something he wanted to plug up. Hey, I said. Why not make another human and give it an appendage to stick in the hole? It can bring great sinful pleasure AND pain, a two for one deal! The Other One said, I don’t want it to bring pleasure. I want it to cover that hole! I pointed out that by making an appendage, we would be serving both purposes. The Other One mulled it over for a moment then said he’d go for it.

So you see, dicks were my idea. Then while we were working on the physical design, I pointed out that the appendage could go in the back hole as well, the one we had designed for poop expulsion. I figured that if we also put poop holes on the ones with the appendage, they could share. The Other One frowned at me. He wasn’t so keen on the idea. But I convinced him it would all be good so we did it. One other thing? The foreskin? My idea. The Other One convinced a bunch of stupid humans to start cutting it off because he didn’t like it. He’s also the one who invented female genital mutilation because he doesn’t like the vagina hole. I wouldn’t tell him this because I don’t like to contribute to his Complex, but I’m actually impressed with the whole FGM thing. That’s the sort of activity I usually come up with. Of course, humans were involved, so that helped. I’ve managed to corrupt humanity beyond repair. But the original idea of doing away with vagina holes belongs to the Other One. That’s about the only thing he came up with.

The Other One claims he doesn’t mind homosexuals but just hates anal sex. Don’t believe him. He’s lying. The truth is that he really hates homos and anal sex. Get used to it, the Other One is a jackass. It’s as simple as that.